On Friday afternoon, I remarked to a friend that the day could only get better. Cue the worst night/weekend for ages. Yes, I included toothache in that.
I said in Wednesday's post: I don't usually criticise anything, especially in public, because I know how much it hurts when one of my books gets a bad review. Cue bad review. Correction. Cue the worst review I've ever had. Ever.
I've heard established authors say they don't worry about reviews, that they ignore the good and laugh off the bad. I'd never believed that until I found myself chuckling at this awful review. I wasn't laughing at the review itself perhaps, but the absurdity of it certainly amused me.
I received a Google alert telling me that a romance books review site had reviewed Dead Silent. My first thought was "Why the devil would a review site for romances look at Dead Silent?" My second thought was "Hang on a minute ... I seem to recall that same site reviewed Presumed Dead - and hated everything about it."
The reviewer, I remember, got half way through Presumed Dead and found it too awful to finish. I quote: The story just fell apart and the overly written overly done descriptive parts of it just grated on the nerves. Other reviews for Presumed Dead were great so I put it down to one man's meat being another's poison and forgot about it.
As I clicked on the Google alert link, and waited for a slow internet connection to take me to the site, I just knew that the reviewer would hate Dead Silent. My writing style is exactly the same, my private investigator is the same bloke ... Really, why bother reading the second in a series when you found the first too awful to read?
I know a lot of review sites request free copies from netgalley.com and I sincerely hope it was free, but hey, there are plenty of free books to be had. Why choose a book that you must know (I certainly knew!) you're going to hate? Strange.
So as I waited to connect to the site and read the review, I was wondering if she struggled on to the half-way point this time... Well no, she didn't. This time, she only managed a third of the book before giving up. I know that's not really funny, and like all authors, I truly appreciate any reviewer taking the time to at least try my books. There was just something absurd about the situation that made me laugh.
I'm telling this story for the benefit of any new authors reading this. You may not believe me, but there really does come a time when the only thing to do with a bad review is laugh. You'll soon have seen it all. What one calls "fast-paced", another will describe as "overly written". What one can't put down and reads in a single sitting, another won't be able to struggle through. It really doesn't matter. It's someone's opinion of a book and that's all it is. There's a certain bestselling author who would be starving in a garret if he had to rely on me. We all have different tastes, thank goodness.
What? You want a link to what? Oh, all right then. As I'm quick to share the good reviews, I suppose it's only fair I share the bad and the downright ugly. It's here. Enjoy. :o)